Too Horse to Race

Athletics fans will be devastated today to lean of the breaking news which has emerged from BRAT Club official sources this morning.  

Like Gebrselassie before the 2000 Sydney Olympics, athletes Tim 'Carthorse' Carter and Dan 'Slow' Robinson who successfully finished Saturday's Birmingham XC League, are facing a battle against time to be fit for tomorrow Leeds Abbey Dash (LAD) event. 

The official announcement, which was believed to have been leaked to the Brat Club official website at around 03:00 GMT before bring quickly removed, stated: "we are worried to announce minor niggles to two of our non-star athletes ahead of Sunday's 10K event."

Although unconfirmed, it is believed that Carter, who recently celebrated his 21+8th birthday using body paint multiple times, has eaten far too much cake over the last 10 days, and is no longer considered race weight. Robinson is believed to have developed a sympathy injury. 

The club are hopeful that both athletes, who are undergoing late fitness tests, will make the start line: Robinson is today participating in his 100th park run, where he will be racing against a friend, albeit with the handicap of 20 press ups per kilometre. The winner will receive a rest day. Carter meanwhile is believed to be wallowing in his pit, missing Ellie.

UKA stirrup more trouble

The Carter family are said to be disappointed after finally getting around to checking the list of new lottery funded athletes last night, only to discover second-born Timothy has not been given lottery support for his jogging.

Timothy, who is currently in the bath, has declined the opportunity to comment, but in an interview with his parents (who play the National Lottery with limited success every week), it became apparent that they have very limited knowledge of athletics.  “I read that there was a level of funding that applied to contenders for Rio 2016, and I’ve been telling my friends at swimming that I know what Rio is,” said his mother while separating Timothy’s whites from colours.  “For [UKA] to say that Timothy has no chance of making it is just like school P.E all over again when he was only given an effort grade of ‘C’.”

Timothy, who this week has been working on wearing longer shorts in training, is rumoured to have filled out an entry form and stamped-addressed-envelope for a 10k later this year, after deliberating between this and the fun run option which incentivised a free Santa hat.  It has also been suggested that he may be tempted to do another Park Run if he feels like it at some point, although the idea that he still knows where his bar code is quite a far-fetched.

The only silver lining in all this is that Mark Lewis Francis has been dropped from funding.  The athlete is rumoured to have been sent to the Inflator Room at Theme Hospital.

March-tastic

5000m goal : 15:50

5k PB : 16:21

5k SB (post-Sept 2011) : 16:21

It seemed like a distant dream 6 months ago, but this month has seen me break two of my PBs, and not those silly PBs like 800m, or Coop and back.  Real manly distances.

My 10k PB dated back two years, and it evaporated on a fresh spring morning 13days ago in an ungentlemanly display of positive splatting to provide me with entry to the ’33 Club’.  I was hoping that would entail a gold plated cup, a lame running belt (you know for gels and stuff) and a date with Darya Klishina, but instead what you get is a congratulatory text of Simon ‘Millhouse’ Millhouse, and a firm handshake of Mister Banks.  They were both appreciated.

Today’s epic showing at the BRAT dominated Park Run, in a time which thankfully wasn’t rounded up despite having to stop suddenly as the finishing funnel featured a 90 degree corner (contrary to my momentum), meant I have had to dust of my abacus to calculate that I’m now a gamely 31 seconds off my goal. 

But it was analysing the data afterwards that raised some (my) eyebrows: despite being more rested for the 10k, I was far more efficient today, with lower average heart rates for every single km.  Coincidently, my times at 3 and 4kms were identical in both races, suggesting there’s some Kenyan in me, and the 624 beats in the final km today meant that this was a lower effort level than its counterpart despite its rapidness. 

	Trafford 10k (11th March)		Park Run 5k (24th March)
	Split	Average bpm	Split	Average bpm
1km	3:15 | (3:15)	184	3:13 | (3:13)	178
2km	3:11 | (6:26)	193	3:16 | (6:29)	189
3km	3:21 | (9:47)	196	3:18 | (9:47)	191
4km	3:22 | (13:09)	196	3:22 | (13:09)	194
5km	3:24 | (16:34)	196	3:11 | (16:21)	195

 Comparison of the opening 5k of Trafford 10k and a 5k race 13 days later.

The verdict of this? I don’t know, but I think it’s interesting, and I am open to suggestions!

The optimists amongst you will also note that I’m now hot on the trails of my apprentice Steven Bayton, who recorded a 10k of 33:55 in March 2010, and 5k of 16:20 in November that year.  Next stop then is projected to be 32:17, give or take a couple of seconds of course.

Horses for Courses

It had all been so promising in June; a PB of 9:20 for 3000m and potential for more on the 1st of the month, but within 3 weeks I was lying on my back with my feet in the air, hoping somehow that being upside down might exorcise the blasted tendonitis.  Since then, I have achieved no PBs, but optimistically did log a 10 minute long-jog in the park with an average heart rate of 172 in early September.  The walk home from that one was both enforced, and to save embarrassment from not being able to make it up the short incline back to our pad without being overtaken by an obese jogger.

But, after 3 months of injury, I’ve made it through the 6 weeks of rehab and built up my mileage from next to nothing and I now sit on some very sore hamstrings and a sore back from my first fast session last night.  How refreshing it is to have aches and pains in different parts of my body from the peroneal, the little finger injury equivalent of not being able to run.

6 months and about a week, this is the time frame until the BUCS outdoor competition which incidentally will be held in the almighty Olympic stadium, and in no way influenced my decision to return to uni to do my Part 3 architecture this academic year.  According to Ally and Alison's cupboard door, i have no current athletic pedigree, with my name almost absent from the 'house season leads' chart carefully blue-tacked parallel to the wood grain.  Fortunately for me however, I did trip over our early learning centre playmat the other day and accidently record a triple jump house lead of 1 meter 16 centimetres, notching my name.  Arguably the most vulnerable discipline on there, Ally has continually threatened to supersede this near world record every time I leave the room.  Still, all-round improvements are needed against my inferred sub-22 minute pace if I'm going to take the required 6 minutes off and not soil the track which Mister Farah will probably be kissing 3 months later.

Speaking of Ally, the current holder of the house leads for 3 and 5km, he appears to currently be my stiffest male house challenger, and after an impressive effort defrosting a sink's worth of ice from our stubborn freezer, I have no reason to doubt that he has logged this as another mile of cross-training on his child-like chart.  The 12th of November is a key date for us, with our scheduled parkrun face-off looming.  The winner will hold the house lead for probably less than 90 seconds until Alison crosses the line (for a women-adjusted leading time), and the loser forced to machine wash their thermal underwear while the heating remains off.