The
Carter family are said to be disappointed after finally getting around to
checking the list of new lottery funded athletes last night, only to discover
second-born Timothy has not been given lottery support for his jogging.
Timothy,
who is currently in the bath, has declined the opportunity to comment, but in
an interview with his parents (who play the National Lottery with limited success every week), it became apparent that they have very
limited knowledge of athletics. “I read that there was a level of funding that applied to contenders
for Rio 2016, and I’ve been telling my friends at swimming that I know what Rio is,” said his mother while separating Timothy’s
whites from colours. “For [UKA] to say
that Timothy has no chance of making it is just like school P.E all over again
when he was only given an effort grade of ‘C’.”
Timothy,
who this week has been working on wearing longer shorts in training, is
rumoured to have filled out an entry form and stamped-addressed-envelope for a
10k later this year, after deliberating between this and the fun run option
which incentivised a free Santa hat. It
has also been suggested that he may be tempted to do another Park Run if he
feels like it at some point, although the idea that he still knows where his
bar code is quite a far-fetched.
The
only silver lining in all this is that Mark Lewis Francis has been dropped from
funding. The athlete is rumoured to have
been sent to the Inflator Room at Theme
Hospital
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