The Tale of a Mountain Goat

Sarah Mac (not to be confused with retired Javelin thrower Sarah Snack) became a household name on Saturday after winning the Bedford BMC Grand Prix on a windy and wet night, in which I ate her post-race dinner while she slogged it out over 12 ½ laps.

Making her August debut at her favourite distance, the student of soil who plys her trade north of the Scottish border executed the perfect race against Birmingham University’s fun-sized BUCS XC winner Hannah Walker to take not only the victory, but complete more than a 90 second PBimprovement from two years ago.

Imrpovement of a champion.

If Walker harboured any real ambitions of winning this race, then she had clearly not done her research of readily availableinformation.  With 200m to go, Mac destroyed her like a tsunami charging down a family picnic on the beach, and was first to the interview with Athletics Weekly and what was left of the organiser-provided water after spectator Simon Millhouse earlier filled up his bag when no one was looking.

Founding members of the Sarah Mac fan club.

Sarah put gender equality the right way up as she recorded a time faster than any of her former Sheffield Uni training partners ever have, renewing our desire for immediate improvements to avoid possible humiliation.  "I simply can not [sic] have her faster than me," text women’s U17 long jump and 1,350 metre specialist Millhouse.  "It’s not an option, and could prove the motivation I need."  He is already said to be considering discontinuing his range of rice-based cereals to work on this beer belly.

Indeed Mac’s fitness, stamina and disgestive abilities showcased her rapid improvement as she took and ate a pair of jam sandwichs on the following morning’s long run, as she gave 16min+ runners Millhouse and Carthorse a solid workout on her recovery jog.

The mountain-goat shaped runner, who is currently preparing for this weekend’s uphill-only race to the moon, and more importantly a November showdown with her former rival (myself), described the key elements of her training to be "receiving motivational texts from my friend Tim" (also me) and keeping her railcard photo hidden from prying eyes.

We are keenly hoping that this latest high profile victory will be enough to bagsy some free kit (all contributions should be a men’s ‘medium’ and footwear size 11), and boost sales of her upcoming paperback which will be released in all good retailers this autumn.

Mac's new bestseller, released this Autumn.