BUCS Outdoors Preview

Six months ago - and these winter months have not flown - I set myself a wee target: 15:50 for 5000m at BUCS Outdoors, a race that is now but six days away. 

I didn’t know at the time if it was achievable: I was working off no fitness whatsoever, and didn’t even know if I would get a place at the event, or if BCU had an athletics team.  For the record, they don’t, but the controversial selection process has let me with entry in both distance events.

For someone once described by their physio as having the running technique of a stroke victim, I have changed almost everything in the last six months.  I’ve addressed unsymmetrical biomechanics, an aversion to morning training, and even started incorporating extra fruit and veg in my diet.  I’ve even instigated a move away from the mighty Structure Triax shoe - the brick of shoes as my training companions call it - and purchased a rather colourful ‘Fastwitch’ shoe, the irony of which will become apparent on the start line.

Recent events, namely the selfishness of the Usain Bolt and his mates on the Jamaican National Team coming to Birmingham this summer means the local facilities are being resurfaced, depriving me of the reassurance of pacing in my sessions.  As such, I have literally no idea what shape I’m in, no idea how fast I can run this weekend.  The result will be as much of a surprise to me as everyone else, but it will truly be an Olympic occasion.

"Season's Over"

On the day that 30,000 people took to the street of London, the amateur athletics world has been rocked by the news that Simon Millett’s “season’s over”.

The former participant at Watford Open, who last year came gut wrenchingly close to breaking 4 minutes for 1500m, is believed to have sustained a suspected torn meniscus in a late night incident involving alcohol on a recent training trip to Villamoura, Portgual.

UKA have condemned the reports, and claimed that the injury was caused during a stretching session, however sources close to the athlete have claimed the Simon had a strong urge to jump into water after hearing Gemma Steel sing karaoke.

Best friend Alex Tovey is said to be distraught, found in a side street with a bottle of wine in a paper bag earlier this afternoon.  “I don’t understand the problem, he has another knee…why should I have to run on my own all summer?”

In a further blow to Simon, Lego have announced that they will not be pursuing their planned Lego Basic ‘Millett and Friends’ series, announcing at their unscheduled press conference: “he doesn’t seem to be taking himself seriously, so why should we?”

In a positive twist, however, the powerof10 have claimed that if video evidence of the pool incident can be obtained, it will be ratified for a long jump PB, which should place him in the top 200 of the UK under-17 girls rankings.

“I knew the moment that it happened that the season was over,” said Millett.  “It’s so annoying – I was just starting to feel sexy in the bedroom again, and now this.  I’m an upbeat person though, and I’ll be using this time to work on my new range of cereal and rice products.”

 

        

 Millett’s new range of cereal and rice, modelled in his 

image, available from all good retailers.

Warm Weather.....Training

5000m goal : 15:50

5k PB : 16:21

5k SB (post-Sept 2011) : 16:21

I’ve never been on a warm weather training holiday before.  To clarify for the uninitiated, this involves going away with friends to a supposedly warm place, to train hard and effectively in a different environment without the pressures of work and everyday life.  For myself and eight friends over the last two weeks, this was largely the plan, however it didn’t quite unfold like this.

Villamoura instead was the venue for 10 days of celebrity spotting, in which Alex Tovey, who sports a gentleman’s 1500m of 3:46 which he dubiously claims not to have run in Nike Structure Triax footwear, consistently embarrassed us with his audible outcries of recognition. 

Tovey, who is also rumoured to have met Nick Goolab in the flesh, limited the number of miles which were ran in over 7 minutes to a cruel 1.23, with word around the pool stating that this was to test his vast array of running vests at speed to see which would be the most colourful when he lines up at the UK trials this June.

Tovey, Alex can be seen on the BBC, June 24^th-26^th 2012.

Unfortunately his training shadow Millborg, earlier disqualified from the alcopop strawpedo competition, crumbled under the pressure of recently being voted my 2^nd ever favourite athlete, with a late night drunken long jump into the villa pool resulting in a season-ending scrapped knee, which did nothing to help his hangover the next day.  Even Miss Squires herself broke down on the track a few days later in a lactate-enhanced emotional display as she realised the consequences of this drunken night, in which R. Kelly’s ‘Bump and Grind’ was accidently requested seconds before the karaoke bar filled with Liz McColgan’s training group, average age 12.

Millett, back left, scrambling out of the pool in after a 
season-ending rush of blood to the head.

Some of R. Kelly’s finest lyrics were performed to an
inappropriate audience.

Chief Personal Motivator and Head Movement Coach Howard, administering a balanced training programme between mileage and factor 4 tanning oil was my co-conspirator in the tempo run of the year (through a sample of two), draconically efficient in marshalling the range between the fastest and slowest miles to one second.  Its success was such that not only did Eilish McColgan take to the trails to try and join in, but one lucky individual even made off with Nando’s t-shirt as a souvenir, teaching him a valuable lesson in ‘couples karma’.  Withnesses gave a description matching one Dave Howlett, who had previously almost single-handedly dragged up the villa’s daily per-person mileage average to double figures without any fuss.

Amongst the sun bathing, post run dips in the pool and over indulgence in snacks resembling dog biscuits, it is hoped that this athlete (me, that is) managed to bagsy enough training effect to improve on the 3minutes and 1 second which I am adrift from the required Olympic A-Standard ahead of this summers global showdown.  With Chris Thornburg already securing fabricated tickets just to see me, it my sole hope that I wont let him down.

Official UKA sources believe that all athletes on the trip managed to perform at least some token training, including our P.E coordinator, Leigh-Ann, whose new found proficiency in middle distance terminology is reportedly the reason behind a secret recruitment by Alberto Salazar to help Farah get back to winning ways.

A WAG, Emily Armstrong also attended the trip.

Emily, pictured front right, actually cooks a spiffing lasagne, 

and was recruited by this restaurant shortly after.

March-tastic

5000m goal : 15:50

5k PB : 16:21

5k SB (post-Sept 2011) : 16:21

It seemed like a distant dream 6 months ago, but this month has seen me break two of my PBs, and not those silly PBs like 800m, or Coop and back.  Real manly distances.

My 10k PB dated back two years, and it evaporated on a fresh spring morning 13days ago in an ungentlemanly display of positive splatting to provide me with entry to the ’33 Club’.  I was hoping that would entail a gold plated cup, a lame running belt (you know for gels and stuff) and a date with Darya Klishina, but instead what you get is a congratulatory text of Simon ‘Millhouse’ Millhouse, and a firm handshake of Mister Banks.  They were both appreciated.

Today’s epic showing at the BRAT dominated Park Run, in a time which thankfully wasn’t rounded up despite having to stop suddenly as the finishing funnel featured a 90 degree corner (contrary to my momentum), meant I have had to dust of my abacus to calculate that I’m now a gamely 31 seconds off my goal. 

But it was analysing the data afterwards that raised some (my) eyebrows: despite being more rested for the 10k, I was far more efficient today, with lower average heart rates for every single km.  Coincidently, my times at 3 and 4kms were identical in both races, suggesting there’s some Kenyan in me, and the 624 beats in the final km today meant that this was a lower effort level than its counterpart despite its rapidness. 

	Trafford 10k (11th March)		Park Run 5k (24th March)
	Split	Average bpm	Split	Average bpm
1km	3:15 | (3:15)	184	3:13 | (3:13)	178
2km	3:11 | (6:26)	193	3:16 | (6:29)	189
3km	3:21 | (9:47)	196	3:18 | (9:47)	191
4km	3:22 | (13:09)	196	3:22 | (13:09)	194
5km	3:24 | (16:34)	196	3:11 | (16:21)	195

 Comparison of the opening 5k of Trafford 10k and a 5k race 13 days later.

The verdict of this? I don’t know, but I think it’s interesting, and I am open to suggestions!

The optimists amongst you will also note that I’m now hot on the trails of my apprentice Steven Bayton, who recorded a 10k of 33:55 in March 2010, and 5k of 16:20 in November that year.  Next stop then is projected to be 32:17, give or take a couple of seconds of course.

The Trafford Experience

10K PB : 34:06

10K SB (post-Sept 2011) : 34:20 (xc, garmin measured)

We knew this route was fast - six months previously I had completed Trafford 10K in a then PB of 37:15, wiping 29 seconds off my best for the distance, and a further one second on receiving my chip time.

The series stood at 1-0, to him.  But I was confident of pulling it level.  Neck and neck in training, Steve and I locked horns again, in a clash so prolific that it lead to factions developing in our training group.  Some disturbing fan ‘art’ (or fart for short) developed, scribing the clash that unfolded, while children sung out names.*

*actually they shouted abuse at us in Hillsborough park when we trained, but who’s caring?

The Camel (myself) versus The Lion (Steve) 

Two weeks prior we had foolishly travelled across the snake pass in falling snow, in a minibus who’s heater did not work, getting stuck and having to push on the way, to find the race cancelled (at a cost of £10 in fuel per head).  Furthermore, Ally couldn’t attend the rescheduled trip due to bingeing commitments, but I did convince that organisers that he deserved a goody-bag for his committed screen wiping performance with a solitary damp tissue on that fateful journey.

The marooned minibus, with passengers evicted to lighten the load.  

Ally gets a goody-bag for his heroics two weeks prior, despite not being 

able to make the revised race date due to bingeing commitments.

On this occasion, I passed halfway in 17:10, to record a negative split, and 35 PB improvement only for Steve to have finished 11 seconds before me.  That record of 34:06, has stood ever since, and while I believe that I’ve been in better shape since, I’ve never been able to improve on it.

12 months ago I was in great shape, hoping to smash that time, but sometimes everything goes right apart from the race itself.  A flirt with stitch led to me crossing the line slightly slower than my best, despite limping for 3k, while Steve clocked sub-32 for the first time in a effortless endeavour.

This weekend I be making the annual pilgrimage to Partington, feeling like I’ve successful reclaimed some form.  According to my garmin, I’ve already ran within 20 seconds of my best this season, ongrass in the freezing snow only five weeks ago, giving me every reason to dream of that which has eluded me for the last two years. 

Rumour has it that like the 4-minute mile, it isn’t possible for a human to run 6.21miles in under 34 minutes, but records are there to be broken.

For me, crossing the line with the clock on 33 would constitute a job well done, regardless of the final two integers…

Indoor roundup

5000m goal : 15:50

5000m PB : 16:29.9

5k SB (post-Sept 2011) : 16:55 (xc split)

One might have been forgiven for thinking I’d lost a bet, forced to sit through (and luckily sleep through some of the) 15 heats of the men’s 400m, after earlier watching over 150 individuals run for 7 seconds, 6 at a time, down a short straight and try to avoid crashing into the railings at the end.  Seeing me warm up in the kit of the magnificent BCU would have done little to dispel this, but the BUCS Indoor Champs at the £24m EIS, where like (but not with) Jess Ennis, I used to train, provided me with a 3000m for my first timed event of 2012.  This was also the first and last indoor event of my season, excluding emergency bathroom dashes and the upcoming house inaugural indoor varsity jenga multi-event champs.

As always, the gauntlet of warming up for big events was more of a trial than the event itself: sprinters don’t like sharing the warm up area with joggers, and communicate this in belittling gestures.  Additionally the call up for heat 3 was 30 minutes before its start, meaning the only thing stopping the muscles from cooling back down were the hearty luck wishes all the way from Lyon, France, the adrenaline from arguing with a power hungry official about why the leg number had to be pinned side and side, not top and bottom, (we didn’t get to the bottom of this,) and wondering if the other competitors had noticed I was the only one wearing trainers.  Dirty ones.

The slow start was presumably because the other competitors had heard the rumours of my wobbling head, and gave me too much time ponder the insufficient testicular fortitude offered by the only shorts which colour coordinated with my vest, and led to a first kilometre which Monsieur Bayton would call a recovery pace.  But as the race stretched out, I quickly laid on a biomechanical master class for the watching cameras, with the event presumably broadcast to over 180 countries worldwide, and the international space station. 

I brushed off recent worries of hernias, tired legs, and my dwindling supply of Weetos to record negative splits, aided somewhat by a ferocious final 200m, which Ibrahim Jeilan is now said to be studying in detail “just in case”.

More interestingly, my 9:29.97 with just over two months to go until the target 5000m, shows that I have in the bank a gentleman’s one hundredth of a second per kilometre.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall...

…who is the most inspirational of them all?

I’ve been struggling for the last week to write my career self appraisal: a four page document for the RIBA examiners basically informing them why I would make a good architect.  In pondering my inspiration, my mind wondered, and I decided to write my current top three list of my most inspirational athletes.

There were many contenders, including Ed ‘The Beard’ Banks whose phenomenal PBs make goals seem more attainable, Mark ‘Mince’ Ince, who occasionally knocks out impressive park runs despite mediocre blocks of training, and then of course Mister ‘Beast’ Canaway, who based his supernatural performances around mesocycles of bingeing.

But the short list has been narrowed down, commiserations to all those who missed out, but you probably need to up your game.  That includes you Mo.

#3: Sarah the Snack.  Sporting quadruple nationality, ah McCormack, not to be mistaken for Sarah Snack the javelin thrower, had the opportunity to run for GB, USA, Ireland or Antartica before selecting option 3.  Listed not just to avoid making the same mistake as SPOTY, Mac’s infamous bum-wobble is rumoured to have developed from carrying a gun holster around with her University of Michigan training group.  A long term rival in my university days, I always had to be at the top of my game to avoid a loss to this powerhouse and she is now once again making great strides forward, presumable motivated by catching me up.

#2: Simon Millhouse.  Citing his long term hero and sporting idol as Emile Heskey, Millett was my true genuine inspiration to actually apply myself to running.  A man who once threatened to kiss his now-girlfriend, Milton gave up our bi-weekly Roar sessions straw-pedoing orange reef in favour of married life and running up the majority of hills at xc championships.

#1: Nick Goolab.  And here you have it.  A man I’ve seen seemingly effortlessly run to BUCS XC and 5000m victories but never actually met, Goolab went through a phase of stalking me at the Birmingham Uni track (based on circumstantial evidence).  Unlike many of his peers, Goolab combined a heavy training schedule with a worthwhile degree in Mathematics, blogged about his training with a colloquial tone, including his love-hate relationship with his garmin, and chatting about easy run mile splits starting with a five as if they were no effort at all, elevating himself to the top of my list.  Sadly Goolab is rumoured to have walked away from the sport, making a martyr of himself and meaning Steve Bayton may never reach his inspirational heights…

The Slog

5000m goal : 15:50

5000m PB : 16:29.9

5k SB (post-Sept 2011) : 16:55 (xc split)

Runners don’t like snow.  Fact.  Its just a guessing game of which sessions will be ruined, while the freezing cold means my wash bag fills up twice a week, and limited drying facilities play havoc with making sure than my training kit is appropriately colour coordinated. 

I had hoped to get in another cross county, but my new found fear for frozen courses meant I opted for the poultry approach, and engaged in a beastly tempo in Sennellys Park instead, which as luck would have it, was covered in snow, providing a whooping workout for the legs.

Since I’m no longer scribbling it on the fridge door, I thought I’d treat you to a portion of my training, as this is a fairly typical week.  The focus is still on endurance, threshold, vo2 max and being social.  Big miles and big sessions means a lot of hours in the cold winter air though, though my boxes of Sainsburys brownies and shortbread really help with the motivation.

Mon 6^th Feb:         AM: 40min swim

                                PM: 45min easy pace [needed the loo]

Tues 7^th Feb:         AM: 30min easy pace [icey]

                                PM: Drills + 8x1000m (2min), avg 3:11. [Some dire pacing by Canaway on the 4^th]

Wed 8^th Feb:         AM: 30min easy pace

                                PM: 45min easy pace + 2x6x30 simple circuits [ate cream crackers between sets]

Thu 9^th Feb:           AM: 30min easy pace

                                PM: Drills + ½ mi tempo, 12x400, ½ mi tempo. [icey so slow]

Fri 10^th Feb:          REST

Sat 11^th Feb:         AM: 6mi xc tempo [snowy]

                                PM: 4 sets of 12 circuits and jumps at track (jog between) + 4 games of fifa.

Sun 12^th Feb:        AM: 1h45mins long run [only did 1h43 as I’m a rogue]

Total: 78.2 miles / 11 hours / 2000 words of essays / 2 pub trips.

Frustratingly, there’s runners out there who are more naturally talented, who’ll run faster than me off much less training, and our place in the natural order of things was well documented by training buddy Ed a while back.  For me, like many others, it’s all about remaining biomechanically optimistic and trying to slog it out through the winter cold to hit those personal goals.

Halfway Horse

5000m goal : 15:50

5000m PB : 16:29.9

5k SB (post-Sept 2011) : 16:55 (xc split)

Far be it from good sense to, in typical BBC sport style, write a report on the outcome of a sporting event at the effective half time point, this is exactly what I’m going to do.  It’s three months since I set myself a six month 5k goal, so as the maths checks out, let’s proceed.

I am sitting wrapped up in bed keeping warm.  Yesterday was an immense day, based around the BUCS XC champs, featured a long trip to Cardiff and back with former teammate and superseded chief rival Sarah ‘The Snack’ McCormack.  Also included was a reunion with long-term nemesis Steven Bayton, (recently defected to France,) which has left me unable to walk properly (tight calves,) a curry and rooftop snowball fight with two fellow hat owners and a 40-point fantasy football point haul by Mister Robin Van Persie.

These champs were run in freezing temperatures, with snow falling all around, not too much of a problem, save for the ‘man off’ to see who would wear more than just the basic vest and shorts.  I confess to wearing gloves, and a wrist-based sweat band to increase my street cred/coolness.  The course was hard, literally.  It was frozen, rather than featuring the draconian hills that I like to see in a good XC.  No mud means no spikes to clean, and also means that I dropped my 5k SB once again to a time now beginning with 16.

In another moment of personal satisfaction, my 35 place improvement on my best ever BUCS put me between the 3^rd and 4^th Sheffield Uni runners, banishing the demons that haunted me following the event two years ago.

John Rocke, a man against boys, doesn't need gloves or eyes!

In reflection, the last three months have gone well.  I’m ahead of where I realistically expected to be, I’ve managed to complete almost every planned run, (except for the ones I forgot about), and I’ve managed to keep Chief Movement Coach Nick ‘Nando’s’ Howard somewhat motivated enough to use as a training partner as well.  Even Coach ‘Hannah’ Mitchell told me that she didn’t spot me in the race because I no longer wobble my head about.  The absence of post-race cream eggs this year was also keenly noted.

The six month plan itself, rumoured only to exist on parchment, 

written by quill. (Green = completed, orange = partially completed).

Next on the hit list, in five weeks time, is Trafford 10k, the mightiest of road races.  My 10k PB was set on this course 2 years ago, and I haven’t been able to break it since, despite obvious improvements.  However with yesterday’s XC time for the 10k (garmin measured course) coming home inside of (well, exactly) 34:20, it’s already an improvement on last year’s best time, set at this very road race.  Complacency is not an option, simple maths will tell you that a big chunk of time needs to fall for me to stand a realistic chance of hitting this summer’s target.

For now, 2012 is defined by: Bayton 1 – 0 Carter.

BUCS: The revenge of the cross country

5000m goal : 15:50

5000m PB : 16:29.9

5k SB (post-Sept 2011) : 17:03 (xc split)

Two years ago I was at the pinnacle of my athletics career (of the time).  Training alongside the mighty Steven Bayton under the impressive coaching of Coach ‘Hannah’ Mitchell, had seen me shatter my PBs in to fragments I could only dream of as I tried to (unsuccessfully) knock out 400 reps in under 80 seconds a piece the previous summer.

It was all set up for the main event, the BUCS Cross County Champs up in Stirling that year.  Buoyed by the event not being snowed off, I confidently engaged in a one pint wager with my arch nemesis, on the criteria of who finished first.  Little did I know that this was to be the stage which would be the first of a dozen consecutive defeats to the rapidly improving man from Halifax.  My race lacked urgency, I started off in an energy preservation mode and found myself near the back, and it was only half way through that the frustrated shouts of my coaching support team hit me.  No amount of ‘cutting up the inside’ could muster me a finish higher than 147^th.

Now, two years on, I am eligible to run in BUCS again as I represent the 2^nd finest educational institute in central Birmingham.  These XC Championships, this coming weekend, are an early morning train ride to Cardiff away, and are the venue for my post-injury return to student competition.  Recent training sessions suggest that I’m nearing my peak of fitness again, in particular after lowering my ‘asleep to bathroom’ PB to 25.4 seconds in the 8m event mid-last night.

A top 100 finish is surely the target, and I am wiser from lessons learnt in cross countries over the last 24 months.  These include, start fast, tread tentatively through muddy ditches, and don’t ponder whether you need to buy milk on the way home at crucial moments in the race. 

  

Top uni for architecture I’ll have you know…