World media has been surprisingly slow on the uptake of Coventry BMC 5000m which occurred two saturdays ago, at a back-to-front - albeit it blue - track hidden away at Coventry University which drew monster crowds of former Sheffield University Athletes.
However the race, in which the highest placed finisher worth mentioning finished in a position which would rank him a toasty 340 in the National Rankings for the year, has generated a disproportional amount of column inches, with two blogs and a website article amassing almost double figures of interest between them.
Dan Robinson, who was said highest finisher, was in pole position coming in to the final kilometre, having been accidentally tucked into Ed Bank’s super tight pink racing shorts and carried round the first 10 laps. “It was just about staying with Ed for the first four kilometres and trying to remember how many laps the race was. I knew that Carter was on my shoulder the entire time because I could hear him panting like a Horse.”
Carter, who we have been able to confirm was also in the race, offered “I wasn’t really enjoying myself. I knew we were going for curry afterwards, and I was getting quite hungry deciding if I could manage a whole naan myself. I spent the first three laps deciding the best way to drop out, and whether I would need to feign tripping over in order to make it look legit.”
After reaching four kilometres in a highly symmetrical 12:40, the 3 minute and 3 second race to the line was won by Robinson in 2:59, to which Carter was incensed. “Robinson pulled away in the final two and a half laps. I’d already planned that we would cross the line together holding hands, but when he did that all I had left was to beat the Irish International runner. Sarah Mac afterwards stated that her favourite laps had been “2, 5, 6, 8 and 11,” and that she was “no longer talking to Tim” because of his 450m sprint for the line. “Where I come from [of which no one is sure], friends don’t beat friends.”
Veteran38 Mark Ince overcame a severe bout of ageing which has been afflicting him for the past 10 years, and was in the race the entire way, with only a wrong turn on the 10th lap letting him down. He came in as the 5th Significant Person, in 3:11, just behind Chris (also 3:11). Mark was giddy after breaking a PB that has stood for 20 years, back from his student days where he claims to have run 1:39 and 3:25 for the middle distance events. He was reportedly “very giddy” the whole way back as he snacked on Haribo Sourmix.
BBC token pundit Denise Lewis has been quick to offer some expert insight into what might have caused this spectacle of super-human feats on this late summer evening: “The thing about the 5000m is, that it is 5000m long.” The BBC are hopeful of not renewing her contract.
