It’s been a difficult Christmas for Steve Bayton, aged 12. Fresh from - apparently - underperforming in the Percy Pud 10K, in a disappointing personal best of 32:17, he spent the rest of his day’s energy trying to save his obnoxiously over-sized trophy from being smashed into its inherent materials and recycled in the corresponding containers as Tesco’s recycling plant.
Bayton’s misery was compounded by visiting his new coach and receiving the news that his potential is being limited by tight hamstrings, poor flexibility in his right quad, weak glutes and hip flexors, and that his thoracic pillar strength needs improving, possibly more on right. I mean what worse way to hit a man than in his right-thoracic pillar strength. Ouch.
The man now also has some serious continuity problems, with none of his other times lining up with this new one. His 3k pb is only 3 seconds faster than his 3k split in this race, his 5k is slower, and since McMillian’s time prediction are essentially PBs themselves, his 76 minute half just doesn’t live up to the 2h30 marathon he presumably entered in his notebook.
What’s more, I have asked my mother to rescind Steve’s open invitation to my house, without which he will struggle to win next years Burton 10K Classic in my own backyard.
There is however, an air of optimism about the ginger Huddersfield community (no offense to anyone) where he resides. Rumour has it that he completed 14 unassisted press ups within this last week, which is only 1 shy of his lifetime best.
Come rain or shine though, I believe that Mister Bayton will line up on the starting line at BUCS, with rumour suggesting that Danny Brewer will be relegated to the ‘B-race’ this year, to avoid Steve being manhandled again whilst spectating and humouring the lower calibre of runners.
